This entry was posted on Wednesday, February 25th, 2009 at 6:51 am and is filed under Uncategorized. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can leave a response, or trackback from your own site.
My birthday was on February 1st. It just happened to be the day he called me - in a long while. I finished reading the book He’s Just Not That Into You a couple of weeks ago, it became my bedtime reading. No book had ever thoroughly ripped my heart into little pieces and stomped all over the remains. The book is written candidly and is very funny, but mostly I ended up tears after reading for the night and fell asleep crying and sniffling. It gave me courage to just flat out end it with him. I was just waiting for him to come along so I could end it. It just happened to be on my birthday.
He calls & we chat a bit before I say, “I think we should stop talking to each other.” He asked me if I was joking. I said no. He got really mad and hung up the phone. Fell asleep crying & woke up at 3am crying. He called me again the next evening. He wasn’t mad anymore. I asked him if he agreed with me and he said yes. Then we started talking about everything else… like one of those conversations we used to have when we first met. At the end I asked him again, does he think we should stop talking to and seeing each other. He said no.
I don’t know how, but I managed to get over him in that one night after our conversation. He can no longer break my heart. What would break my heart is if we did stop talking completely. I’ve known and loved him for too long to simply drop him out of my life. I would always be miserable wondering where he is or how he is doing. I can’t help loving him. In many ways he is a best friend - I tell him things I don’t tell anyone else. Even my best friend from second grade.
I’m grateful that I’m no longer crying myself to sleep or crying period. I’m glad I’m not spending anymore time feeling miserable and pained because I miss him too much.
He can’t break my heart anymore, but my heart still feels broken. I just want to graduate from college soon so I can move into the city where my family is ASAP. I’m learning to love my family more & more, they are the purest form of unconditional love I know. I feel okay when I’m with them. More than okay, it’s this sense of calm peace… I don’t know how to explain it. If I know how to love, it’s because my family are the best teachers.
School is school. It’s not pleasant or easy. Often it leaves me feeling frustrated. I hate putting so much effort into anything and making so little progress, it’s discouraging. I wish it made me want work harder, but it makes me do just the opposite which makes all that more difficult.
bridgesyoucross
February 25th, 2009 at 8:54 pm
I just wanted to tell you that you are on the right path. Stay away from him, and hang tight with your family. It will get better. Soon.
February 26th, 2009 at 12:08 am
And a very happy tho belated birthday to you my dear! Hang in there!